The Fray

Life trials are inevitable. Without them where would any of us be? Mistakes are amazing. Misfortune is fortunate. Pain is strength. I would not care too much for life without the negative. To negate that part of life is to misinterpret the meaning of good (and all of its synonyms).

Pain teaches us to deal with fear, and how to approach it, so we may not use fear as a force for motivation, but rather a guide to lead us to hope. Hope is the only true power in life. Hope is what gives a person meaning - life meaning. Without hope... what do we have?

Living through the turmoil is no way to live, it is not the effect created from the cause, but more a choice we make. If you choose to live in fear and turmoil, then you certainly will. Rather, if you experience pain and fear, choose not to let it define you or your life. Life is too short, do not be afraid to live it. Furthermore, do not be afraid for it to end.




"Once more into the fray,
Into the last good fight I'll ever know,
Live and die on this day,
Live and die on this day."

Running

Maybe there wasn't a clear purpose to this blog... (start the excuses for falling behind now!)

...Er, maybe I won't this time. I feel I should have some sort of direction though. So, howabout I include the things I like, "yay!"

I recently did my first endurance run on Saturday (July 14-15, 2012). It was a 24-hour ragnar/relay all trail run - I'm not getting that old yet! I am still so young not even 25-years-old, I should be doing these kind of things. They make me happy and who doesn't like being happy. I will tell you this, it was quite the experience, which I won't go into detail about. Other than that, we placed 4th our of 11-12 teams. Plus, we pushed through to hit 50 laps (5K loops) reaching 155-miles total, which I made 27.9 of them my accomplishment. My first ultra - kinda.

I went for a recovery run three days later on Wednesday and  I was happy I hit an almost 5K (3.03) in a sub-23 min time. There is another 5K coming soon (Saturday) and I am looking to place a good place.

3.02 in 22:01

I wish I could write everything coming passed my mind, but I don't want to bore whomever. I just wish I had more time - in time maybe?

My phone just died and I don't know where my chord is... grr.

I plan to do some tweaking: up my mileage and train harder, eat better, be better.

Let's do this!

Unmotivated...

Stuck in a rut, for sure. I feel so behind - things are piling up - and I am suffocating. I am way too care-free right now. I want to know how to care, again. I wish I never moved back to Griffith. It seems to have thrown everything out of place. I am glad me and Amanda are at our new place. I am budgeting my money more (still wish I had more) and I am becoming more proactive with things. However, there are still things that I feel need to be improved, of course. Other than the typical lazy day, I have been having lazy week. I feel so unmotivated in some areas, and they are not the ones I should be slacking on. I want to feel refreshed - anybody have any suggestions?

I want to feel again...

Slow, steady breathes.

I pride myself on who I am -- in all honesty I am unhappy, at times. You know the saying "one step forward, two steps back?" Well, that is me. I want to improve on things, but I procrastinate so much more than I ever have. When did I become lazy? I bet I have written a blog like this thousands of times, yet, I do nothing -- or I do and do not keep with it.

Pathetic.

I need to start going the extra mile, and another mile thereafter. Can I start over?

I am going to seriously make these changes, which will better my overall life. More so, those who are involved in my life. I am going to set some goals:

• Be happier
• Stop procrastinating
• Be more optimistic
• Stop judging
• Be more productive
• Run more
• Get work done earlier
• Excel better in school and work
• Invest more

I feel if I can start with this small list I can work towards my big goals:

• Buy a new car
• Get better at guitar
• Perfect my Spanish and learn another new language 
• Improve my writing skills
• Advance my knowledge in science(s)

Let's see how this goes...

Bad Dreams

I feel like I messed up becoming an adult, that is if even you can even call me one know. Is there a list of criteria you must fulfill? If so, I think I am lacking in a couple. I feel like my posts as of lately, and if not forever (up to this date in time), have been quite - whiny? I feel irresponsible about all my responsibilities, as well. I am late on everything, and to some point drastically behind in some (i.e. bills, knowledge, life...) to where I feel I cannot catch up.

I was thinking about when I was a kid -- teenager to be exact -- and while high school was [Hell] I liked that time. I explored many parts of my life and contributed to a ton of things. I am nowhere lazier now than when I was a teenager; however, my point is that I feel some of this adult stuff is for the birds. (<--- adult idiomatic expression)

I wish I went about things differently. I wish I was more strategic about many aspects of my life, rather than being so blatantly blissful to my surroundings. I never should have been involved with solicited credit that young, I should have had a better savings account, I should have kept some previous jobs, I should not have thought I could coast. Now, since I went against everything I should have done I am struggling now. I can divert my attention away from the obvious for some time, but then there are times like these where I reach a point where I cannot understand how I going to make it.

I am trying my best (or am I?) and I still feel like I am drowning.

Stupid decisions stop ...now!

While their souls are still searching for the light...

I never felt so different in all of my life. This year has brought upon so much change, so much. I remember feeling security a couple years ago. A newly enrolled freshman at a small college, but ready for the experience. Sure, it wasn't anything comparable to a big ten campus, or anything like that; however, I still had a lot of fun and filled my life with unforgettable memories.

Now, as of recently, I feel like this year has brought upon the worst of ...things. From the passing of my grandmother and to my diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes - now to my sister and her recent medical problems. Ugh. This year blows! I mean, really - WHY!?

I feel like I am struggling in school again, too. I just want a sense of balance. I feel overwhelmed with everything around me and everything that is going on. City and Colour's "Waiting..." is playing right now and I cannot relate anymore to the words he is singing...

Being a part of something...

I am excited for today, like really excited. I think with the change of seasons (even though, technically Autumn isn't until the 23rd of September) I get way more positive and happier. I guess that is why it is my favorites season.

Purdue University - Calumet Men's Cross Country, 2011

Anyways, back to today, we pick up all our XC gear today: uniforms, new shoes, socks, warm-up suit, sweatpants, hoodies, shirts (short and long sleeve), backpacks, and skullcaps(?). I know its just stuff and makes me sound really materialistic, but it is more than that ...if you ever played on a team. Or if not, maybe. Those clothes represent something to each of us on the team. It is a sign and symbol of our hard work and determination. We will be representing a team (first in history) at many Chicago-land area meets and invitationals, and, hopefully, the CCAC Championship. It feels good to belong and to be a part of something.

On another note, (which is, again, making me sound like a stereotypical, materialistic, American) the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back at Starbucks! Yeah, I know, shut it, but it too reminds me of Autumn. Which, also means Autumn brews ...that I just happened to pick up one blend this past weekend (Sierra Neveda's Tumbler).

Now, it is time I get ready for the day, head to breakfast with Cassie, then off to my long day of classes.