These wheels are getting a bit low...

I am into the second week of classes and SERIOUSLY I am not even keeping up. I have too much, but I don't want to quit any of it - just need to find that balance. Hopefully, I can find it soon. I am not failing out - or anything like that - but I am a tad behind on my readings.

This is my schedule:

Note: Fridays are tentative - either meetings or field trips with the international students. Also, my schedule for Dyer isn't even added since that is PRN.

On that bright side, I got my new computer last Friday and I am soo EXCITED! I felt sluggish on things since I didn't have a computer. Which, while I am glad I have, makes me think that I have come pretty dependent on technology and that can be a bit unsettling. However, that is the world today, isn't it? Sad.

I am ridiculously tired and am quite certain I should be asleep right now - and not by choice. I feel my eyes falling out of my head.

Don't know where I am going ...but I am moving.

I'd like to feel like my life is so beyond the norm that I can take pride in being a pioneer; however, I do not think I am that special, nor do I want to be. I feel like my life is the worst possible ever. Why? That's simple. It is because it is happening to me and not you, and your life is not happening to me but only to you. Although, I feel that being able to confide in that exposure is what helps a little, maybe?

I thought about taking the time a removing all my previous posts, which some aren't even blog worthy (wtf is that?). Yet, I find myself unable to that. I believe it is because of my nature, well, I know it is. I have a hard time letting go - mainly physical things. I like holding onto them , whatever they may be, because I feel I could use them, may need them, but really it is because I worship nostalgia. Items that I hold onto (and I use physical loosely): music, pens, paper, entries, junk (to others), cards, photos, and whatever. I am able (which I am sure most are) to draw back to that point in time, and pull memories from it - good or bad. Yes, I am aware of my OCD, and I am okay with it. I find mine is no real harm, and I don't hoard; though, I feel some things are meant to hold onto until I wish to remove that memory, or I feel I can hold onto it myself without any sort of stimuli.

Planning out my day sometimes is a struggle, and I am about to attempt that now.

untitled.

I always say I am going to do things different. I make list, rant about change, and all that jazz; however, I always come back explaining or making an excuse for "why." Why I never followed through and how this time things will be different. I am really tired of it, and I guess I am really going for it this time. Next paycheck I am buying a camera, and I am going to get involved in photography, like when I was in high school. Also, I am going to focus a lot more of my writing. I feel my lack of creativity ruined me. Losing my imagination was horrible. When did I become so lazy?

:edit:

I believe I live my life too fast, and I need to slow down a bit. I have patience, however, patience varies in different situations. For example, I have the patience to stand in line on Black Friday; however, most often I will not stop to enjoy something, which I feel I can experience later. I do not know why I do this - I just do! I think from now on I have to stop and enjoy the little things more than I do now. When I think "Hey, I should look at that" or "I should record that" - I will! This goes with my previous post, and dammit I will keep this. I want to, and I think I need to.